A Rant: Sick, and Haveil Havalim #301 (not sick of)
But I remember, when I was little (now I'm...bigger), still in grade school, I hated and feared school so much that I wanted to be sick, so that I could just stay home and feel the comfort and security of my mother (a"h) puttering around in the kitchen.
I remember how I panicked on a Saturday night, and then felt so relieved when I realized that I still had another day of reprieve--Sunday--as I was prone to anxiety attacks the night before school days, and on school mornings, too. I was afraid of...everything: not getting up on time and being late for school. Being the 'outcast' in school and ignored, or worse--being laughed at and humiliated. Failing tests. Being called on in class and not knowing the answer to the question, and thus being laughed at again, by my classmates.
Well, as I mentioned above (take that, English teacher; "never begin a sentence with 'well'"), I am sick. Now, there is no mother to take care of me (D. H. tries. I have to hand it to him), and I feel deep guilt every time I have to take a sick day from work--as I am today. I know I shouldn't feel that guilt, as all I am doing is taking care of myself; yet, I do. It's a vestige of the past embedded in the present: I am not important. I have to accomplish. I have to be responsible. I have to do what is my duty, to parents, school, The World. Where does "to myself" figure in this?
So this past night I had a difficult time, coughing up...never mind. The piece de resistance was at 4 a.m. when I had to...get up; and then stayed up to make myself hot water, lemon and ginger. My D. H. had gone out yesterday specifically to get chicken to make chicken soup for me, and I added fresh ginger to the list--a natural cold remedy, very good, they say. Actually, even if ginger does nothing at all to cut this bronchitis-type-cold short, it tastes so strong that it feels as if it's doing something. Totally psychological.
So I figured, I'm up already, in a lousy mood, why not to over to the PC and write about the latest Haveil Havalim, and blog? Logical, right?
So I will end this rant (because that is what it is) with the link to the latest Jewish Blog Carnival, the weekly HH #301, which Jack kindly took over because the scheduled host was...sick!
Misery loves company? Nah. Get better, F.S.