NaBloPoMo - I Succumbed in 2010 !!
That something is just this: I am afraid of commitments and responsibilities. Yes. It's true. I am reluctant to return RSVPs to weddings, dinners, or melaveh malkahs. Even though I teach privately twice a week, a couple of hours before my classes a great wave of fear goes through me, and I have to fight off the urge to...cancel all my classes!
Sometimes, when a Monday or a Wednesday comes around (the evenings I teach), and class was already cancelled for another reason (such as last week's classes because of our Chanukah party), but I've forgotten for a moment, I panic--and as I begin to remember the cancellation, it feels as if a great weight has been lifted off me and I'm free--and then, my second panic attack sets in, because I realize that I have yet to prepare food, punch, the table and the house for the party (-even though my D.H. does a lot of that, in fact most of the food prep)!
It's as bad as stage fright; actually, it is stage fright! But, just as a true actor regains his composure when the play begins and he gets into his part, when my students are already here and I have begun teaching, everything is fine.
Similarly, I develop a fluttering in my nether regions if called upon to...host something, such as a bridal shower, sheva brachot, or, say--a Blog Carnival--which is why I haven't volunteered yet. Recently I was confronted with a semi-request to organize. . .a wedding, for gosh sakes! That is panic city. I declined. I hate organizing anything. . .a wedding, a drawer--whatever.
Fact is, I am secretly (or maybe not, after this post) a lazy bum. All I want to do is be a human being, not a human doing. That means either:
1) Lounging in bed in PJs and reading Gerald L. Schroeder's books while drinking coffee and munching popcorn or nuts (which I actually was doing this morning, sans the coffee and nuts, and YIKES it's erev Shabbat), or
2) Sitting at my computer desk in my beautiful blue swivel chair, surfing the 'net and blogging, just as I am doing right now.
Which is why I don't know what got into me when I submitted my link to NaBloPoMo to post every day for the month of January. I must either be crazy, or I thought I'd start off 2010 with a bang.
Then again, as I mentioned above I do love blogging; but making a commitment to blog every day for thirty-one days is a biggie for me: it's as bad as sending an RSVP to a friend's wedding saying that I'm going to attend. Actually, it's worse: from the wedding I could always cop out the last minute, feigning a contagious disease or warts, or something.
But I can't do that here: you can still sit at your computer and blog, with warts. At the very least, you'd think I could have picked a month out of the twelve in a year that has fewer than thirty-one days, right? February would be a better choice--it's shorter by three days!
But I couldn't wait (oh, yeah, forgot to tell you something else about me; I'm into immediate gratification). Nope. I'm doing NaBloPoMo NOW. Oh, yes, almost forgot: the theme for January is BEST. Although one does not have to blog on the theme, I will do my BEST to blog every day. There. Got the theme in. (Hey, we have to start small, right?)
So help me out, folks--remind me to blog everyday by commenting, sending me emails, calling, nagging, etc. I'll also set a reminder in my Outlook-maybe that will help. Wish me luck!