Learn Hebrew For Free Online!

My loyal readers (yeah, that means you!), you know that I sometimes-- well, ok--most of the time--intersperse various and sundry Hebrew words in my posts.
Sometimes I translate them, and sometimes not; so here is your big chance to learn Ivrit, free, and online at your convenience--so that you will never be in the dark about those untranslated words again. Here is a sample, but click on the title link to get the full lesson from Uncyclopedia* (Disclaimer: the following is a bit irreverent, has graphic content, and gets even raunchier the further you read; click on title link at your own risk. Blog author NOT responsible for contents. Adults over 18 only. No refunds.):

HowTo: Learn Hebrew
*From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Goys may not have enough chutzpah to understand Jewish wit. Kvetch about it all you want, but that won't help you understand it. Fill your kepellah with knowledge more suited for you.

“Mchh Mchh Mcht, Chht Chht Mchht Hey! you speak fluent Hebrew! Naahhh, just clearing my throat”
~ Non Hebrew Speakers on Hebrew

“There is no Hebrew language. They just make it up as they go along”
~ Noam Chomsky on Hebrew

“סביר להניח שאני אוכל אותך”
~ A Hebrew-speaking Grue on Hebrew


So you've decided that you simply must speakth the ancient language of the Hebrews? Want to get closer to Jewdom? Want perhaps to better know your enemies, the Elders of Zion**? Search no more. You have come to the right place.

WARNING Speaking Hebrew is considered extremely dangerous in several unfriendly countries around the world. Hebrew speakers are hereby urged to refrain from speaking Hebrew around the following:
Weird bearded folk that look like they are intent on pushing you into the Mediterranean
Members of the National Socialist Party
French People
*" Uncyclopedia is an encyclopedia full of misinformation and utter lies. You might say it puts the "psych!" in "encyclopedia". It's sort of like Congress or Parliament, but unlike Congress or Parliament, we do have a sense of humor. Nonetheless, this is one of the only factual pages, before everything turns into a puddle of utter confusion and disarray. Savor it. And for the love of Sophia, we know you like disarray, (and confusion) but stop adding confusion to this non-confusing page which leads to confusion, and possibly disarray. Which we wish to stop. Non-non-confusion, that is. Not disarray. Or is it the other way around?"

[**see my previous post of 27 July.]