Hey, I'm Not Done Yet. . .
Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards:
1. Under same management for over 5767 years.
2. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
3 What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?
Shul committees should be made up of three members..two of whom should be absent at every meeting.
Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University: "The future of the Jewish people is in your hands."
My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.
Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
It was meal time during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?," the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front. "What are my choices?," Moshe asked. "Yes, or no," she replied.
An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Gevarter, are you comfortable?" Gevarter replies, "I make a nice living...."
A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck." At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name .... and forgot to write a letter.
Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy." The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy." The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our children."
And one final favorite: A waiter (must be a blonde) comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all right?"
A Jewish Guy:
A Jewish guy in a London hotel calls the operator and asks, in broken English with a heavy Lithuanian-Yiddish accent, for the number
A short time later there's a knock on the door, and, when he opens the door, he sees two beautiful and sexy girls who ask him:
"Are you the guy who ordered 'two shikses for one night'?"
(now, I'm done!)