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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Planet's Punniest Post*

What does this post have to do with the price of noodles (let alone my sojourn in Israel)? Nothing, except that I had to go more than 7,000 miles away to Israel to get the pfunniest fpuns that I have yet read in the English language (hat tip to Shellie in Efrat for passing them on):

THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT" (or so they say!)

Here are the 10 first-place winners in the International Pun
Contest:


1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a
root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would
not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So,
the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they
did so--thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused, fragile mystic,
hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns
to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
(*click on the title link to see more funnies. now, if someone can send me great puns be-Ivrit...!)



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5 comments:

Elie said...

I inherited a love of puns from my dad Z'L. Yours are great. #8 reminds me of my Dad's favorite punning story, with a double punch line!

anonym00kie said...

i haaaaaate puns
usually
but some of these really made me laugh :)

Jack's Shack said...

Oy vey, these were good.

kasamba said...

So very punny!!!!!!

the sabra said...

hehe i love these
puns are great
always

 
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